You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
