Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
