I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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