I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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