i'm lost and i look like a hooker
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
