omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
