Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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