I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
