I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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