who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
