Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
