Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He shit in the fireplace
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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