when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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