Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
