He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize