You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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