at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
