Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she pinky promised me she was 18
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
