Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
