I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
