i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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