Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
