Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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