I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
