he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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