I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize