So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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