she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
