First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
