Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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