im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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