Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
