well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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