i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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