i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
