i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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