I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
