I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
