i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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