My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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