I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
only you would photoshop your dick
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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