I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
