Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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