If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize