I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
