Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
