Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
