i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
