I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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