My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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