someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize