yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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