In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
