I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
