Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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