I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
