meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
