...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I want to have your abortion
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
