Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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