So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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