I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
