perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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