I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
