is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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