i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize