awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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