Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
