mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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