if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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