I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
In other news, I just burned my penis
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
