Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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