oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
