Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
