I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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