Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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