Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
