This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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