Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Randomize
