She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
