Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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