I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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