Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
