she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
