like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
