I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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