Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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