My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
