every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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