member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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