Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
